April 01, 2005

The Tartan Menace

Hello, I'm Roland Trotsky. I'm forty-eight, I live in St Ives and I've got a pet hamster called Nigel - but that's enough of the biographical chit-chat. Let's talk about bagpipes - more specifically, let's talk about how we're going to get them off our streets.
You may have noticed, perhaps whilst out shopping in your local high street, certain tartan-flavoured people soliciting money in return for blowing into an instrument that resembles a bag of spanners with a series of vacuum cleaner attachments sticking out of it. Well, firstly, these people are usually not Scottish. Secondly, although bagpipes are commonly described as a musical instrument, I'll be damned if I can think of anything less musical than the toneless, spleen-rending whine produced by one of these accursed things.

» Bagpipes rant

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